


What Have You Done

by Zanderis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Blood and Violence, Canon Divergent, Character Death, Comfort, Episode: s13e13 Devil's Bargain, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Love/Hate, M/M, Multiple Pairings, Non-Sexual, Torture, Tragedy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-16 18:50:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13642350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanderis/pseuds/Zanderis
Summary: This story occurs weeks after the events of episode 13x13 Devil's Bargain. Ketch provides the Winchesters with Asmodeus’ plan to kill Lucifer. They go to check out the location, expecting a trap, but they get far more than they bargained for.*MCD tag is NOT about either Sam or Gabriel**THIS STORY IS ON HIATUS - I am so sorry to anyone following this fic and waiting for an update. I am currently planning my upcoming wedding with my dude and my free time is sort of nonexistent at the moment. I will continue with this story and post more, but it will probably not be until after 2018 is done. Again, so sorry :(





	1. Gabriel

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a reference to “What Have You Done” by Within Temptation.
> 
> This work was beta'd by the lovely [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas) :)
> 
> I tried to write this story as close to the Supernatural universe as possible. I'm pretty new to writing fan fiction, so constructive criticism is more than welcome. I will try my best to reply to everyone. I have a lot of different fanfics floating around in my head, so if this goes well, I may post more.  
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Oh and of course, I don’t own Supernatural or its characters.

The Winchesters and Castiel receive a message from Ketch detailing Asmodeus’ plans for killing Lucifer. As they drive to where Ketch is to summon the fallen archangel, they go over the plan.

“I thought you said we aren't going to trust him,” says Cas.

“We're not,” Dean replies gruffly.

Sam explains, “We're just gonna wait until Gabriel kills Lucifer, then we'll kill Asmodeus. A Prince of Hell, we can handle. A fully charged Lucifer is best left to another archangel to deal with.”

Cas nods and says, “I still can't believe Gabriel has been in Hell this whole time. I thought he was dead.”

They leave the Impala a few blocks away to keep it from being noticed, and walk up to the abandoned warehouse. Strategically hidden behind the old equipment around the room, they wait, armed for battle with their enemies.

When Asmodeus and Ketch arrive with the battered Gabriel, the boys watch in horror. They knew he had been tortured, but actually seeing the state Gabriel is in sends chills down their spines. The matted dirty hair, the ragged clothes, the sewn bloody lips… Seeing one of his fellow angels so destroyed forces Castiel to look away and shut his eyes, to keep from killing Asmodeus right there.

A couple of hours later, the summoning ritual is complete and Lucifer materializes in the center of the room. Shortly after, Anael and Duma appear with a small group of angels, all wielding angel blades. At first, Lucifer pridefully smirks at Asmodeus. The second he recognizes his tortured brother holding the archangel blade, his face changes from smug to unadulterated rage.

He flashes his blood red eyes and moves to attack Asmodeus, but stops when the doors of the room suddenly explode off their hinges. The force of it knocks the wind out of everyone in the room. When the dust clears, A young brunette woman walks in, immediately looking at Gabriel with pure sadness in her eyes.

“It really _is_ you,” she utters with a broken voice.

With hope in his eyes, Gabriel starts to go to her, but Asmodeus makes a slight gesture with his hand, tugging the now-visible golden binding spell surrounding his body. With another small flick of his wrist, the Prince of Hell sends energy through those bonds, causing the archangel to fall to his knees and cringe in pain.

The second the woman sees this, her eyes grow wide, she snaps her fingers and the binding spell shatters instantly. She stares daggers into Asmodeus, clenching her jaw and slowly stalking towards him. With his plans now ruined, he tries to teleport away, but she moves her hand and forces him to stay in the room. Telekinetically, she pulls him towards her until her hand is wrapped around his throat.

Shining a golden yellow light in her eyes, she says malevolently, “You _dare_ do this to my brother?”

Breathing heavily, Asmodeus asks fearfully, “Who are you?”

“The one who will show you what Hell was meant to be, oh Prince,” she says mockingly as she draws him close.

She places her palm on his forehead, making the veins in his face glow with the same light that's in her eyes. As she does this, Ketch flees the room, and Lucifer and Anael retreat to Heaven. A few seconds later, she lets Asmodeus fall to the ground. As the veins all over his body glow, he seizes in excruciating pain on the floor.

The woman nonchalantly steps over the writhing demon, and kneels in front of Gabriel. With her hands shaking, she cups his cheek in one, and inches her other hand toward his sewn lips. Instinctively, he flinches away from her in terror.

In a calming whisper, she says, “Gabriel, it'll be alright, I promise,” fighting back her tears to be strong for him.

Looking into her eyes, he slowly nods to her. She lightly places her thumb on the blood soaked thread. As she gently moves her thumb across his lips, the stitches burn away at her touch.

With tears trickling down his face, Gabriel cringes as he mumbles hoarsely, “Roxy?”

On the verge of crying herself, all she can do is nod in response and pull him into a loving embrace. He clings to her for dear life and buries his face into her shoulder.

Cradling the back of his head as he cries into her neck, she holds him tight and whispers, “It's okay, brother. You're safe now.”

As they stand up and start to leave, the Winchesters and Castiel come out in shock at everything they just witnessed. When they move closer to each other, Cas gives the wounded archangel a big hug, grateful to see him alive again. The angels who accompanied Lucifer go to the group and kneel in the presence of Gabriel.

Bowing her head in shame, Duma says, “Sir, forgive us. We thought you were dead. We would have pulled you from Hell, had we known.”

Looking down on the angels before them, Roxy says with condemnation in her voice, “So instead, you just made the feathered rat you thought killed him into your king.”

“Roxy, don't,” mumbles Gabriel, trying not to move his swollen lips too much when he speaks.

Crouching in front of the angels, Roxy says harshly, “You and your little friends traded away Heaven’s safety, for what? These fancy new wings of yours?”

“Please, no,” Duma begs with pure fear in her eyes.

“You really don't think I'd let you keep those after all of this, do you?”

Roxy stands up straight and snaps her fingers, causing all of the angels’ invisible wings to burst into flames. As the angels shriek in pain, she holds her forehead as a migraine builds in her skull and guides Gabriel out of the warehouse, along with the Winchesters and Castiel.

As they walk towards Roxy's car, Duma bursts out of the warehouse doors and charges towards them with her angel blade. Roxy catches her wrist with one hand and grabs her throat with the other. Flashing her eyes golden yellow, she burns Duma from the inside out, then drops her corpse onto the pavement. A few seconds after, Roxy clutches the sides of her head in overwhelming pain, then collapses.


	2. Roxy

The Winchesters and Castiel take Gabriel and the unconscious Roxy back to the bunker. In the back seat of the Impala, Gabriel holds his sister close as Cas works on healing his wounds. Several hours later, when they reach their destination, Sam carries her to one of their guest rooms and lies her on the bed inside.

“Thanks, Sam,” Gabriel says sullenly, looking at his sister with a worried expression on his face.

Sympathetically peering at the archangel, Sam replies, “No problem."

When they leave the room, the younger Winchester leads Gabriel to another guest room and gives him some of their spare clothes to wear. After he changes into the clean -and somewhat loose- clothing, they meet Cas and Dean in the war room, and join them at the table.

Cas finishes healing Gabriel, and says, “That should be it. How are you feeling?”

Pausing for a moment, he looks down at his hands and replies, “I… I'll be fine.”

With knowing expressions on their faces, the Winchesters look at each other, then Sam sits with the archangel, saying, “Gabriel, it's alright to not be ok. We know what it's like in Hell. It takes a long time to even sleep after that.”

Trying to hide his pain with a joke, Gabriel half smirks and says, “Guess it's good I don't need sleep then, huh?”

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Castiel asks, “Gabriel, who is this Roxy? She called you brother, but I've never seen or heard of her before.”

“She’s the archangel Rogziel. Our father made her to be the representation of His wrath in this world. She has access to all of His destructive power… for a price, as you can see. You never heard of her because she left home way before I did.”

“Why’d she leave Heaven?” Dean asks with a furrowed brow.

With a heavy, distant expression in his eyes, Gabriel simply answers, “She had her reasons.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few days, Gabriel spends all of his time waiting for Roxy to wake. Sam passes by her room every now and then to check on him, and always finds him sitting in a chair by her bedside. One day, Sam goes in with a full plastic grocery bag, pulls up a chair and sits with him.

With none of the energy he had when they spoke years ago, Gabriel says, “Hey, kiddo.”

Wanting to comfort the archangel, but unsure about how, Sam asks with puppy dog eyes, “Hey… you want a beer while waiting?... candy?”

Amused that Sam remembers his sweet tooth, Gabriel smiles, breathes out a laugh and says, “Sure, Sammy. That’d be great.”

At that, Sam pulls a bottle of beer and a chocolate bar out of his bag, and hands them to Gabriel. Then, he takes a beer out for himself. For a while, they just sit there, drinking in silence. They finish their beers, and Sam gets out two more for them.

As they drink and sit back in their seats, Gabriel shakes his head and says, “Roxy’s always been like this. She’s so protective that she doesn't care if she gets hurt helping the people she loves.”

“She sounds like a good sister,” Sam says, softly smiling at the archangel.

“She is. She tried to keep our brothers from tearing themselves apart, but after Michael locked Lucifer up in Hell, she left. She's kind of the reason I was so hard on you about letting Dean go all those years ago. She put herself through so much trying to keep the peace, and all she got was-”

“Blood and pain,” Sam finishes his sentence, remembering their past conversation.

With a surprised expression on his face, Gabriel looks back at him and teases, “And here I thought you chuckleheads weren't listening.”

“Hey, we may not have done what you wanted, but we did hear you out at least,” Sam responds, laughing to himself.

“No, you guys did better than what I wanted from you,” Gabriel says seriously, peering at Sam’s confused expression in sad admiration. “Cas gave me a rundown of everything that happened after I died… You said ‘yes’ to Lucifer and threw yourself into the pit to stop him?”

Sam bashfully rubs the back of his neck and replies, “Yeah, it was the best we could come up with. I'm still surprised it worked, honestly.”

“You did good, Sam. I'm just sorry you had to go to Hell with him. I'm sure he tortured you more than Asmodeus did me.”

Averting his eyes and clenching one hand in the other, Sam says, “Well… he didn't sew my mouth shut. He -uh- liked hearing me scream.”

“I'm sorry, kiddo,” Gabriel says, placing a gentle hand on the man’s shoulder.

After that simple gesture, their eyes meet. For a moment, they stay just like that in silent understanding of each other's pain. Turning a little in his chair to face Gabriel, Sam notices some movement on the bed in the corner of his eye. Noticing his gaze, Gabriel follows it to see his sister slowly opening her eyes and shifting under the comforter.

Hopeful, he moves closer to her side and softly says, “Roxy?”


	3. Vengeance

Roxy sits up in bed and groggily looks at Gabriel. Seeing him healed, she immediately wraps her arms around him, and he does the same to her with a loving smile on his face.

As they part, she cups Gabriel’s cheeks in her hands, and affectionately says, “It's good to see you, brother.”

“You too, Roxy,” he replies, gently patting her shoulder.

“Your friends fixed you up good, didn't they?” she says happily, sitting up straight, letting her hands fall onto her lap.

Grinning from the joy of Roxy being alright, he looks at Sam from the corner of his eye and says, “They sure did.”

Eyeing Sam curiously, Roxy smirks at him and says, “Afraid we didn't have a chance to introduce ourselves. Gabe told you who I am already, right?”

“Yeah, he did. I'm Sam Winchester. Glad to see you've recovered,” he says, shaking her hand.

She squints her eyes as though examining him, then looks at Gabriel with a raised eyebrow and asks, “Sam Winchester? You're friends with our brothers’ vessels?”

Chuckling, he replies, “Yeah, it's a long story, Rox.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Gabriel happily recounts to Roxy all of the times he has messed with the Winchesters, she quietly listens, glad to see her brother in good spirits. When Dean and Cas hear him talking down the hall, they enter the room to see what's going on. Dean leans against the wall, and Cas against the dresser.

“You really killed this man’s brother over a hundred times… just to make a point?” she asks. Noticing that the others are not contradicting him, she sighs heavily and says to Sam, “I apologize for him. He lets his tricks go way too far sometimes.”

Laughing and fondly smiling at Gabriel, Sam tells her, “He does, but after everything that's happened since, I think we're even now. He fought Lucifer for us, and until recently, we thought he also died for us.”

“I thought he died too, but then I sensed his grace a few weeks ago, and managed to track him to that building,” she says.

“Oh no, Lucifer _did_ kill me. I remember him stabbing me, and then nothing until I woke up to Asmodeus sewing my mouth shut,” Gabriel says with a shiver going down his spine.

Roxy gently takes his hand and says, “Don't worry, brother. What I did to Asmodeus is killing him slowly. He _will_ die, and be in excruciating pain until he does.”

Dean says gruffly, “What about Lucifer? You gonna kill him too?”

“Dean,” Gabriel tries to interrupt.

“Yes, I will. You find a way to get his ass down here quickly, and I'll kill him myself,” she says pointedly, with a distinct sign of rage in her eyes.

Concerned, Gabriel firmly tells her, “Roxy, no. You know what’ll happen if you use that much power.” With a heartbreaking tone in his voice, he adds, “Please… You're all I got left. Raphael’s dead, Lucifer’s insane, and Michael’s in Hell.”

“Michael’s not in Hell,” she says with her eyes shut tight.

“When our brothers fell several years ago, I went down there to get Michael, but every time I tried, Lucifer came close to escaping too… so I left him. I left them both,” she explains, squeezing her brother’s hand as she painfully remembers the choices she's made. “Then, when Castiel -here- broke Lucifer out, there was no reason to leave his cage intact, so I got Michael out… what was left of him, anyway.”

Looking at Gabriel with a storm of pain, sadness and wrath in her eyes, she tells him, “Lucifer may not have had a hand in torturing you, but he _broke_ Michael. He didn't even recognize me when I came for him. He was so terrified, it took me a week to convince him to leave with me. I let Lucifer live a long time ago; I _won't_ make that same mistake again.”


	4. Brother, Let Me Be Your Shelter

The Winchesters, Castiel, Gabriel, and Roxy drive out to a rundown house not far from the bunker. They set up the ritual for summoning an archangel in the center of what was a living room. As Cas and the boys wait along the back wall, Gabriel and Roxy activate the ritual and await Lucifer’s arrival, armed with their archangel blades. Half an hour passes... one hour... two.

Dean checks his watch and says with a heavy sigh, “Should've known this wasn't gonna be _that_ easy.”

“Yeah, let's go,” says Sam.

“Lucifer! Come on now, I know you can hear me,” Rogziel growls challengingly into the air.

“Roxy…” says Gabriel with a calming touch to her forearm.

She bows her head in defeat, then looks at her brother. As she starts to speak, she goes silent the second they all hear the sound of flapping wings. They all look instantly, prepared for a fight, but instead of Lucifer, they see a man lying face down in the middle of the ritual, ragged and bloody. Wide eyed and as pale as a ghost, Roxy drops her blade, staring at the man before them. Believing it's a trick by Lucifer, Dean moves to attack.

Grabbing him firmly on the shoulder, Cas stops him saying, “Dean, wait! It's-”

“Michael,” whispers Sam in shock.

Quaking with every step, Roxy inches over to the beaten body of her brother. When she hears the others’ footsteps behind her, she holds her hand out, signaling them to stop. Leaning over Michael, she rolls him onto his back.

She swallows hard when she notices enochian words carved into his chest, meaning, “Did you really think I wouldn't find him, Rogziel?”

As she lightly cups Michael’s face, he opens his eyes wide from her touch. The second he does, he sends a wave of energy out of his body, burning her skin and flinging her into the ceiling. When she hits the floor, she groans in pain as she slowly moves to stand up and peers down at her charred flesh and clothing. Dean and Gabriel help her to her feet, and have her lean on a table they'd pushed against the wall when they arrived.

Gabriel tries to put his hand on her forehead to heal her, but she grasps his wrist and says, “Save it for Michael.” She turns to Dean and asks, “Is there somewhere we can keep him in the bunker? Somewhere he won't hurt anyone?”

Looking at the large burns on her arms and neck, he replies, “Uh, yeah.” He shouts over his shoulder, “Cas! Show Gabriel where the dungeon is. We'll meet you guys back there as soon as we can.”

Cas touches Gabriel's temple to give him the layout of the bunker, then the two of them go to Michael as cautiously as they can.

As they place their hands on him, Roxy tells them with worry in her voice, “Be careful.”

Gabriel nods to her, then he uses his wings to teleport to the bunker with Michael and Castiel.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Gabriel and Cas manage to get Michael settled in the dungeon, and ward whole the room, Sam and Dean have returned with the wounded Roxy. Some of her injuries already appear less severe than they did in the abandoned building. The boys help her down the metal stairs by the entrance and have her relax in one of the chairs in the war room.

Concerned, Sam says, “You should probably have Gabe heal you. You can barely stand.”

“After Michael,” she says, zoned out from the shock, staring mindlessly at the glow of the table.

After a few minutes, she snaps out of her trance when she hears Gabriel and Cas enter the room.

She flinches as she stands to speak with them, leaning on the table for support, “How is he?”

“Healed, physically anyway,” says Cas with sadness in his eyes.

She sadly says, “Thank you,” to him, then looks to Gabriel and asks, “And the…?” gesturing to her chest.

“Gone. Now will you let me heal you?” asks her brother.

She nods in agreement, then he places his palm on her shoulder. As the wounds on her body fade away, she cringes in pain. When Gabriel lets go of her, she plops back into her chair out of exhaustion.

“I shouldn't have trusted anyone with Michael,” she says under her breath.

“Where were you keeping him?” asks Gabriel.

“I brought him home,” she says, clenching her fists onto the table.

With tears streaming down her face, she shuts her eyes and continues, “I brought him to the gates of Heaven, and gave him to Duma. She swore on her life, on her _grace_ , that she would hide him somewhere safe, where he could be at peace... I didn't know she'd sell Heaven for a damn pair of wings!”

She turns away from the group and runs her fingers through her hair, attempting to compose herself.

Dean asks, “Why couldn't you hide him up there yourself?”

Giving her time to calm her mind, Gabriel explains to him for her, “When she disobeyed and left home, Dad said she wasn't allowed to come back. And since her grace is directly tied to Him, He makes sure she actually stays exiled.”

As all of the emotions from the day become too much for her, Roxy swiftly goes up the stairs and out the heavy metal door.


	5. My Brother's Keeper

While Sam, Gabriel and Cas research ways to trap and kill Lucifer, Dean decides to go check on Roxy. When he gets outside, he finds her sitting on top of the bunker entrance, resting her elbows on her knees and dangling her feet above the door. As he climbs up there to join her, he notices the redness around her eyes and the dampness on her cheeks. When she sees him approaching her from the corner of her eye, she rubs her face dry and tries to collect herself.

“You ready to come in? Gabe’s getting pretty worried,” he asks, casually sitting beside her.

Staring off into the distance, she replies, “In a bit.”

After a moment of silence, Dean recognizes the look of guilt on her face. It's one he and his brother have worn many times over the years.

“You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened to Michael. Lucifer did this, not you,” he tells her sympathetically.

“I could see the Mark of Darkness changing him. I knew what he was becoming, and it was my job to execute him. Father even ordered me to, and I refused. Now look where we are,” she says, bowing her head in shame.

“That doesn't make you responsible for all the crap he's done since then. And as for not following orders, you can't beat yourself up about disobeying _that_ kind of order. No dad should tell one of his kids to kill the other.”

Remembering the resentment he held in his past, he continues, “My dad’s last words to me were that if I couldn't save my brother, I'd have to kill him. Some time after that, Sam started to go dark side. He thought he was helping people, but he was doing a lot of messed up stuff in the process: he drank demon blood, fell for a demon, and unknowingly started the apocalypse. Even after all of that, I'll never say my dad was right in telling me to kill him. I'm not saying that it was right for you to let Lucifer live. I'm just saying that I don't blame you for it, and you shouldn't either.”

Meeting his eyes with deep regret in hers, she asks, “How can I not? How can _you_ not? Your whole family's bloodline, your entire lives were designed to fix the mistake I made.”

“Ok, yes. Our lives have been a shit storm because of this, but I'm not about to blame you for making a choice that I’ve made myself more than once. And same goes for Sam. I became a demon a few years ago, and instead of killing me, he cured me.”

He sighs and says, “Look, whether you should've killed him back then or not doesn't matter anymore. You can't change that. All you can do about it now is either: run away, kill him, or lock him up again. So, what's it gonna be?”

She breaks eye contact for a second, as all of the wretched things her brother has done runs through her mind. Looking back at Dean with determination, she says, “I'm gonna kill him.”

When it gets dark out, Dean and Roxy head back inside. They find Sam sleeping in a chair at one of the library tables. His head is resting on an open book, and his hair is tied in randomly-placed childlike ponytails. Dean laughs amusedly at his brother and starts poking him awake. Roxy eyes her little brother who's sitting at the opposite end of the room, trying to hide his mischievous grin behind a book.

Seeing her come closer and give him a reprimanding glare, Gabriel playfully says, “What? Sleeping beauty needed a makeover.”

She shakes her head at him like a disapproving mother, but also smiles, grateful that even after everything that's happened, some parts of him are still the same.

Happy that his ridiculous idea to make her smile worked, he stands up, pulls her into a tight embrace and says, “Glad you came back, Rox.”


	6. Michael

Everyday for weeks, Gabriel goes into the dungeon to help Michael with his memory. And everyday, Roxy waits for him right by the door to make sure their brother doesn't attack him in confusion. It's unbearable for them to see Michael like this. He's their big brother, the oldest of them all, and he's so lost, so broken.

The whole time, he sits curled up with his knees to his chest, and his back to the corner of the room. He skittishly lets Gabriel speak with him, but whenever Roxy tries to interact with him, he shuts down and sometimes becomes violent. Sadly, she must keep her distance while still watching over the both of them.

Suspiciously eyeing Roxy from his spot in the room, Michael asks, “Must she be here everyday?”

“She’s just making sure we're safe. She's our sister, remember? She worries about us,” Gabriel replies sullenly.

“She told me I'd be safe in that other place too, but he still found me… he still...” Michael trails off, shaking and shrinking into himself.

Roxy feels her heart shatter and squeezes her eyes shut at those words, at the terror in his voice. She holds onto her composure as best she can for her brothers. It grows more difficult with every visit. She tries to focus her mind on their mission of vengeance, but all she can think about is the horror he had to endure.

When he appeared before them in that abandoned building, every bone in his vessel Adam’s body was broken. His skin was carved into, and his tongue was ripped out. Michael -being the type of angel he is- shielded the poor unfortunate soul from feeling any of the pain, bearing it all by himself. Gabriel and Cas have healed all of his wounds that they could, but there are still some that can never be mended. Lucifer made sure of that.

All of those injuries are all on his true form, his “real body,” so to speak. Each one of his wings are shredded. Not just the feathers, but the flesh as well. His whole celestial body is covered in burns from head to toe, with worse scarring in his more sensitive areas.

“Lucifer will never hurt you again, I promise. I love you, brother. Get some rest. I'll be back to visit you again,” Gabriel tells him, snapping Roxy out of her guilt-ridden trance.

Michael nods, but stays in his defensive position until he sees her leave the room with Gabriel.

When they're in the hallway, he shuts the door and says, “I know there's probably no point in saying this, but you shouldn't come with me tomorrow. I get that you're worried about him, but you keep beating yourself up every time you go in there.”

After a moment of silence, he starts to walk off, then she says quietly, “You're right.”

“Wait, really?” he asks, with a surprised and sad look in his eyes.

Holding herself together by a thread, she explains, “Yeah, I -uh- I should look for a way to get Lucifer down here instead.” She moves to go to her room, but stops, turns back to him and adds, “Just please be careful. I dunno what I'd do if something happened to you again.”

“I will,” he says, then watches her walk down the hall.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few days are terrible. Roxy worries every second Gabriel is in the dungeon alone with Michael. She flips through many books related to summoning while pacing back and forth in the library. Relief washes over her every time she sees her baby brother walk into the room after a session, with a half smile on his face.

This time is different though. When he walks in, there's no attempt to hide his emotions in fake pep and jests. He merely plops down into one of the library chairs, looking pale and completely defeated. Concerned, she drops the book she's reading onto the nearest table and rushes to his side.

Sitting next to him, she places a loving hand on his shoulder and asks, “What happened?”

Avoiding her eyes, he mutters, “I… I saw Michael's memories.”

“Gabriel, why did you-”

“I had to see it! I thought maybe he'd relax around us more if he knew I could relate to his pain… but it was so much more than I thought it'd be.” Tears trickling down his cheeks, he sees Sam enter the room from the corner of his eye, overhearing their conversation. "Yeah, I've been tortured, but Lucifer… he did things to him that I never even thought were possible.”

With her eyes growing watery, all she can do is pull him into her arms. She tries her best to comfort him, brushing her hand over his dark brown hair, saying, “He'll be alright. He's safe now.”

Quivering, Gabriel backs out of her embrace, rubs his face dry and tells her, “I'm gonna go -uh- rest for a while.”

Roxy gently squeezes his hands in hers, saying, “I'll be here if you need anything, ok?”

He nods, then goes back into the hallway and walks into his room.


	7. The Place Where All the Demons Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the lyrics of the song "Alive" by Sia

Unable to settle his mind, Gabriel aimlessly walks around the bunker late that night. Down the halls, up and down the stairs, he racks his brain with all of Michael's memories. The overwhelming sense of hopelessness, the smell of his burning flesh, the feeling of his skin being peeled off his body. Lucifer tore Michael to pieces over and over, broke him down, then put him back together just to destroy him all over again.

Lost in thought, Gabriel accidentally bumps into Sam's arm as he's walking past him in the hallway. Seeing the long haired man’s face draws out more of Michael's memories. This time, Gabriel doesn't feel any pain from them. This time, he sees flashes of Sam being torn apart limb from limb. He feels Michael's sad relief from watching Lucifer torture the man, relief stemming from the fact that he gets a reprieve from the torment and agony. Then, Gabriel is overwhelmed by Michael's guilt for being grateful that he's not trapped alone in the cage with his sadistic brother.

“Gabriel? You ok?” asks Sam, staring at the zombified archangel with a concerned look in his eyes.

Hearing the man's voice, he snaps out of his horrifying trance, clears his throat, then says, “Yeah, sorry, I just got a lot on my mind.”

Seeing the storm of emotions in his eyes, Sam hesitantly asks him, “This is about Michael's time in Hell, isn't it?”

Gabriel slowly nods, then looks up at the taller man, saying in a soft broken voice, “And yours too. He remembers everything Lucifer did to both of you…” Taking a deep slow breath, he squeezes his eyes shut to keep his composure, then opens them and speaks once more, “I am so sorry you had to live through that, Sammy. You didn't deserve any of it.”

“I appreciate you saying as much, but I was the one that let him out in the first place. I merely paid for my mistake,” says Sam, breaking eye contact out of shame.

“But still…”

Uncomfortable with discussing his past further, Sam cuts him off with some reassuring words and changes the subject, “You don't need to think about it this much, alright? It was a long time ago; I'm fine. I'm more worried about you.”

“What I went through is nothing compared to what you had to go through.”

“You were _tortured_ , Gabriel. Doesn't matter how much or how little; it still happened and it still affects you. I can tell whenever Roxy hugs you. You let her because she's family and you don't want her to worry, but there's a moment when you hesitate. A split second of fear hits you, especially when she touches your face,” explains the young Winchester with a somber expression in his eyes.

He slowly reaches out to place a gentle hand on Gabriel’s shoulder. Instinctively, his angelic friend flinches the second they contact. It's not visibly obvious, but Sam can feel the archangel’s muscles tense and twitch at the touch.

“If you want to vent or anything, just let me know. I'm not much for talking about my own experiences from Hell, but I'm more than willing to listen if you need.”

Forming a sad half-smile on his lips, Gabriel replies, “Thanks, Sam.”

The hunter lightly squeezes the archangel’s shoulder comfortingly, then walks past to go to his bedroom for the night.

“Sammy?” Gabriel says nervously, causing the man to turn and face him again. “Does it ever get better?” he asks quietly with a crack in his voice.

Sympathizing with his friend’s struggle, Sam peers at him with sullen puppy dog eyes. He wishes he could just say, “Yes, it gets easier with time,” but he can't. It never really got better for Sam. He just buried it because he felt no one could ever comprehend what he endured, not even Dean. Now, Gabriel knows everything, all of the pain, the brutal trauma, and the terrifying reality of it all.

The more Sam thinks about it, the more he realizes that there actually _is_ someone else in the world who truly understands. Someone who knows the sheer horror of the pit, and isn't losing his mind in the dungeon because of it…

Gabriel.


End file.
